This is an article by Angelina Nasike, but before I let you read her take on Unfair Safaricom's Internet, let me say that in the last two days I have lost more than necessary chess games simply because Safaricom's Internet cannot be relied on. And I have complained to Safaricom...severally.

Last time I complained was on June 3rd 2014. I contacted Safaricom on Twitter to have a look at their Internet that keeps on disconnecting. They asked me, as usual, to restart my phone but after I told them that the problem persists, they said they were checking on it and would get to me later...they never did; the Internet didn't improve either.

I use Internet in Nakuru and I have heard Orange finally has 3G connectivity around. The Orange Internet on their CDMA RUIMs used to be stable. I will be testing the Orange 3G Internet in the course of the next few weeks and give an update on how it compares to Safaricom's Internet. Before I bore you, here is the article by Angelina.

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By Angelina Nasike

I don't like being annoyed. Yet some things just have to annoy you. Things that can be accepted as a flaw of nature. Like having a roommate who knows everything about everything and yet surprisingly nothing.  The kind of person who will wake up at six in the morning irritably happy and chirping like an animated bird straight from rio. Six in the morning? Who does that?. In the morning as a rule people should be mad and groggy, mourning there lost sleep. Not happy, in fact being happy should start at eight in the morning not a minute before. 


And then there are these things, the ridiculous and unacceptable annoyances.  A sweaty conductor in a mat who you are unfortunate enough to sit next to. Which means when he lifts his arm to pick fare he offers his armpit to your nose like a delicious meal, ready to be sampled.  The more he collects the further behind the mat he moves, the closer his armpit to your nose. Armpit so smelly it could run a disinfectant advert. Body ordor that leaves you with an urge to call the water and sewage company and ask them to kindly supply all matatu drivers, conductors and  co. with water free of charge as a service to God and man. 


Another unforgivable act is the incessant barking of your neighbor's dog waking you up five minutes into your sleep. Sleep that was hard to coerce, that you had to count a thousand and one sheep and then some more. Five minutes into a dream where you had won a million dollars,  Audi R8 Spyder 2013 and a beach house in Kilifi. You wake up murderous,  annoyed ,  five minutes away from cocking your non- existent double barrel gun and blowing that dogs brains out.


But all these put together doesn't explain how annoying , irritating and all things unfair Safaricom's Internet is. It is a combination of sweaty conductor and crazy neighbours' dog in one night. It's a Robin Hood in reverse. A scratch right in the middle of your back where no matter how hard you wiggle you cant reach it. Its buying a disk from a hawker only to get home and find it empty. Its like MP's proposing a law to make us call them honourable. Unbelievably true, yet annoying. And sadly of all internet users in Kenya, 99% are mobile users of which 77% of that is owned by Safaricom.  You can imagine how many Kenyans get irritated by the unfair Safaricom's Internet.


For Shs 1000 you get 1.5 GB internet which ironically has an expiration date. A date you will graciously be reminded of by Safaricom when it is due. But what galls me more is that once the date is up, no matter how many bundles you still have you cant use it because it is expired.  This theory just doesn't add up because for heavens sake if I buy bundles they are mine, I shouldn't be dictated to when to use them, they are mine! If I want them to stay in my line unused then they should stay unused, not expired. Getting me to buy data over and over with such childish ploys as giving them an expiration date is only in Safaricom's best interest. Then there is the daily internet bundles.  16 MB at 20 bob . But for the same amount in Airtel you get 100 MB plus free sms to other networks. Shake my head.


I was reading this novel online, it was hilarious. I started reading at midnight and was so captivated, I kept pressing next page, then I reached the climax, pressed next page and it wouldn't load. Then I get a text, "dear customer, your daily data.." I was shattered, furious, enraged, I almost hauled my phone to the wall. How in the world does 16 MB reduce to 1MB in a matter of minutes by reading a novel? What criteria does Safaricom use to control the use of bundles? Do they charge per minute? Per day or per hour? No matter how I looked at it, the math did not add up.

So I penned a missive to Bob Collymore ( in my head) asking him how he would feel if he were me at the moment. Or if he were my roommate who had to climb the table, bend at an angle, hold her left ear and frown at her phone before it loaded a page, considering we are paying so much for the bundles then at least the connectivity should be flawless.

Or if he knows how tiring it is to remove a SIM card from modem, load credit, buy bundles then return the SIM to modem and repeat the procedure every time you want to surf. Does he know that the portal he created to enable people update their bundles can not be accessed without credit or bundles?. Which is funny because, you have to have bundles in your SIM card to update bundles from a portal that was created to enable you update bundles when you had none. How in the world is that supposed to work? . If the Safaricom's domain was zero rated to enable subscribers access this portal, it would have made more sense.

And that's how Safaricom's Internet works.